I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
