dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
