the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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