Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
