just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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