morning after pill = breakfast in bed
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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