So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
