so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Randomize
