im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
