I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
my shit smells like andre
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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