I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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