I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
