I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
