***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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