I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
be right there i have to get my cape
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
