Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
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