Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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