Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
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