i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Randomize
