Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Randomize
