dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Where are you guys?
Drunk
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
