At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
my shit smells like andre
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Randomize
