best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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