Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
