I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Randomize
