On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
