I just cut my nipple shaving
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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