I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
