her vagine was all disorganized.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
