Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
