Yo dont text me then not text me
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I deserve this hangover.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
