I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
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