i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
She told me I should be a condom model.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
