They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Randomize
