I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
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