I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
