They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
vagina is talking i cant
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
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