Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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