She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
