what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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