I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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