I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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