The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
