So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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