please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
she looked like the before picture.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
