You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
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