We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
