Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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