There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
