my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
sarcasm needs its own font
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
