He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Randomize
