Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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