no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
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